Throwback Thursday and following the gut instinct

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During my Ph.D. thesis defense.

During my Ph.D. thesis defense.

(Note: This post was scheduled for yesterday, but I postponed it due to the tragedy in Paris)

In a previous posting I expressed a resolve to ignore the siren song of “cool new things” in order to focus better on my priorities. That is solid and useful common sense. However, in my personal experience, many of the most life-changing opportunities came out of the blue and I have learned to “listen to the universe” for clues. Take for example the fact that I came to do my postdoc in the States. It all started by a simple question the evening of December 6th 2001, during the formal celebratory dinner of my Ph.D. thesis defense. My opponent, a renowned cancer immunologist and I were chatting about my future plans. I explained that I had a postdoctoral gig lined up in Spain. It was related to my field of interest, it would allow me to be close to family and friends, and also to give my son a  Spanish-speaking environment for a change.

“Have you considered San Diego?” he asked.

I looked at him. Earlier that day, he and the tribunal grilled me for hours in the Swedish tradition of a Ph.D. thesis defense. After the official announcements and champagne it was time for lunch with only the supervisors (I had 2), the opponent, and the newly minted doctor. During lunch my opponent had talked about his experience as a visiting researcher in San Diego. In the deep Swedish wintertime his descriptions of the blue ocean and the sunshine sounded like a golden fantasy.

“I know a few groups where your expertise would fit right in.”

Even after so many years, I remember that I saw a door opening and a clear phrase appeared in my brain: “If I say no, I will regret this the rest of my life.”

Well, the rest is, as they say, history. It took many months, horrendous paperwork, lots of money, heartbreaks, self-doubts, and yes, fear, but in September 2002 I boarded the plane, together with my 12 year old, that took me to California and the beginning of a new life.

So going back to common sense. Yes, it is necessary to shut out the distractions and the noise, and focus on priorities. But great opportunities sometime arrive unexpectedly, and with potential to upend careful plans and bring chaos. In my very personal experience, no rational analysis has ever been able to identify the real thing. When it is right, it just feels right. It is a gut feeling.

Je suis triste

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je-suis-charlie

This morning, after a lovely walk with a friend, I came home and met with the horror of the attack in Paris in the news.

Not much more that I can say. I volunteer facilitating conflict resolution workshops in prisons and have talked to many inmates who have done terrible things in the past and are working hard to turn their lives around. It is my firm belief that there is humanity in all of us.

But days like this, it is hard.

How I learned to stop hating the bragging list…

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Looking down from a trail close to Idyllwild. Patterns can be seen better in the distance (geographical or time).

Looking down from a trail close to Idyllwild. Patterns can be seen better in the distance (geographical or time).

…and embraced it instead.

Some time last summer a directive came down from the powers to be, that each faculty member should submit every month a list of activities or achievements outside the planned or required activities. A collective groan was the response, and explanations were provided promptly that the lists would be aggregated and the highlights were to become “bragging points” for each school. Lists had to be bullet-pointed and divided into the three academic areas: teaching, research, and service.

After a month or so of last minute scrambling, I started a Google document and every time I did something outside my official plan (sending a letter of support for an initiative, meeting and networking, getting a presentation approved, joining a society, giving extra support for a disabled student, etc) I typed it into the document right away. I put a reminder into my calendar about sending it in time, and soon it faded away to become one more routine action of the month.

February is merit request letter submission time. As I sent this morning the December list, I scrolled up the document all the way back to June and realized that all needed for the letter was there! The list not only reflected specific actions and achievements, but also recorded the process- one month I was applying for something (which meant I spent some time writing in frenzy) and a few months later I had it accepted. Monthly small connections, meetings, and events came together as a sustained outreach effort. By recording every little thing month after month, I was able to have not only all the facts, but also see the pattern of my activity over longer periods in time.

What else to say? Lists are good. Bragging lists are useful. Admins sometimes come with pretty good ideas. Google documents rock.

The Post-It approach

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My morning desk with last night’s Post-its.

Another of my goals this time is to blog more continuously. Yesterday I followed a Twitter chat tagged #blogchat and the resounding advice I got was that the more you blog the easier it gets (as everything in life). And a bit like mentioned in my previous post, there are days for deep reflections and there are days for quickies. And today is a quickie day.

The first job I held after my postdoc was with a small biotech company in San Diego. The culture shock took place at many levels, but what affected me most from a practical point of view was the limitation of time to work. There was no way to do labwork during the weekends, and lab data had to be stored and processed in the company computers as well as input in a traditional countersigned lab notebook. Even evening work was discouraged!

At one level that was quite liberating- I could not work from home, so I actually worked Monday to Friday only. On the other hand, I had to be very organized and very efficient- if I blew my early week experiment that was it: a whole week was lost.

Enter the Post-it method.

Fridays became the “scrapbooking day,” e.g. the day when we would work on the lab notebook, analyzing the data, and then printing, cutting out, and glueing the graphs for the coming week’s dreaded lab meeting. That was also the day of preparation for next week’s experiments. I prepared all reagents that I could make in advance, and made detailed lists of fresh reagents I had to make on the spot. I actually calculated the exact volumes or weights I had to use, step by step.

Before leaving on Friday afternoon, I made a set of Post-its with the first tasks for Monday morning. Again, it was quite detailed: put the trypsin in the incubator, take 400 ul of the XYZ stock and add to 600 ul of whatever, turn on the instrument.

Silly as it might have seemed on a Friday afternoon, they were life-savers on Monday mornings after the hiatus of a complete weekend.

I still use Post-its a lot. In the evening, or whenever I am finished for the day with my tasks, I prepare my set of Post-its with specific directions on what to do next morning. It saves me the time of thinking through the tasks.

Do you have any other little tricks that help your productivity? Please share in the comments!

How to get things done, one list item at a time

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Here I am calculating the current of the Colorado River before kayaking.

Here I am calculating the current of the Colorado River before kayaking.

Since 2011 I made it a tradition to put together a “Book of the year” of pictures in iPhoto and have it printed as a family present. As I sat before Christmas selecting this year’s pictures it was obvious that they only showed a minor part of 2014: pictures of travels and visits, moving, the new cat…all nice and colorful, but the crazy grind of work and conferences and trips was missing. Which is a good thing. 2014 was a good year, but it was also an overwhelming, saturated, super busy year.

Some time in October I had an epiphany (mind you, this is not the first time). I realized  that I had neglected once more the “important” stuff such as my own research and writing in order to support a number of cool and potentially exciting initiatives. The majority of those plans fizzled, and there I was again, looking at unfulfilled timelines and datasets waiting to be tackled. Not to mention two interesting MOOCs I was taking, a business trip to Europe, and being thrown in two academic committees.  I was overloaded with meetings and conference calls. It was too much.

Fast forward to today, January 1st 2015. While craziness will resume next Monday, I have already set up the two online courses I will be teaching next, got started working on the February AAAS poster, have advanced on my manuscript, caught up with correspondence, and have finally found myself in that state of mind where most of the mental clutter has been cleared out so I am getting creative thoughts. Such a joy!

The secret was 1) having a deadline, 2) task lists, and 3) always completing something, even if a small chunk. I knew I had to be done with a number of things before Christmas because we were leaving town to go camping (= no internet, no work possibility). I made lists and I forced myself to work on those lists day after day, evening after evening. Chunking helped both in the practical and emotional sense. “Working on the AAAS poster” sounds intimidating. Looking up the instructions, deciding on a template, putting in the title and authors’ names, adding a background and saving it as a draft is necessary, took me less than one hour, and gave me a sense of fulfillment. Just like the days when I was writing my Ph.D. thesis, there were days to write the Discussion, and days to write Materials and Methods, but one had to write every day.

paddling the river

The current was strong, and it was also windy. I had to paddle steadily until I got to move upstream. Pretty much like work…

I got lots done before leaving for a short trip to the Colorado River for camping and kayaking. It was great and exhilarating, and it wiped out most of my work-related thoughts. Home again, as I return slowly to my list, it is my intention to keep the same discipline, and get things done slowly and steadily, one item at a time. Maybe 2015 will be less stressful…fingers crossed!

Mercury in retrograde and why we teach

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Light. Happiness. Thankfulness.

Few years ago, one of my wonderful quirky acquaintances explained to me that when things seem to go awry all the time, it is all Mercury’s fault. “When Mercury is in retrograde, she said, there is not much you can do. Just try to survive, and don’t engage in important communications during that time.”

Today was one of those days. Each and every communication I had today did not go well. Nothing *bad* just…disappointing. Things that I thought had been approved and decided returned to me. Questions I asked were not answered. Or if they were answered, they sounded snappy. By mid-afternoon I felt enveloped in a dense grey cloud. Then I checked: Mercury is in retrograde February 7-28. Oh well.

What is a geek to do? She goes to the lab.

Some of my current students have fallen into a phase of ugly plates and inconclusive Gram stainings. While we want students to figure out what to do on their own, I felt intervention was necessary. I always feel queasy about too close supervision (due to my historical dislike of micromanaging), but I have also read that structure is good for students, especially those with less preparation. So yesterday I checked and troubleshooted with them, and devised some simple strategies to figure out what was going on.

So the geek goes to the lab and looks over the newly inoculated plates, and she is happy that the plates (streaked with me looking over the students’ shoulders) look great, and that the green sheen suggestive of a P.aeruginosa contamination is not there anymore. And when she opens the incubator and the smell of landfill surrounds her, she is happy that all those pesky microbes are obviously happy.

(On a side note: some years ago I visited a clinical microbiology lab. The lady in charge, one of the awesomest microbiologist I have met, at a certain corner of the lab sniffed into the air and said, with a half-smile “Don’t you like the sweet smell of Pseudomonas?” At that time it seemed a bit extreme, but not anymore. Every time I open the fridge full of soil plates I smell half-rotten fish. I am so curious which of those many colonies smell like fish and why. Yes, I am getting attached to the little buggers.)

But once out of the lab and walking toward my office, the cloud is back. I am not looking forward facing real life.

Oh my. There is a bag on my desk, labeled with my name. I “awww” to myself. It happens occasionally, especially at the end of a course. I am touched, but I do not look inside.

It is only at home, after driving through Friday afternoon traffic, that I look into the bag, searching for the card. It is a sweet thank you card from a former student. I am so moved. The grey cloud has lifted, and I am back where I should be. Thank you so much.

Those of us who teach don’t do it for the fame or the money. In fact, we don’t do it for thank you cards. We do it for the “a-ha” moments, for the light shining up in the eyes, for the times when the students get something they did not before.

But it is nice when we hear back. Another student emailed me last week: “Comparing to your classes, the XYZ test was a cake!” She got in the 99th percentile of the qualifying test for her program, and was bubbly. I had to chuckle.

Thank you, dear students. And honestly, we cannot do it without you. Thanks for joining the ride, as bumpy as it may be sometimes. Really, you make it worth.

Nudging my Dad

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Dad and I, in the very beginning.

As I write these lines, my dad is already up in Havana. He stays up late at night and gets up early, sometimes in the middle of the night if inspiration hits him. After breakfast he will sit and fire up the oldish PC and check his email through a dial-up connection. As most people in Cuba, he does not have access to internet at home, but he can send and receive emails, the main way of communication between us. Through the years I have subscribed him to newsletters, and copied and pasted big chunks of information and articles into bodies of email for him to read. In his 80s, my dad is still very curious about the world.

That is one of the reasons I subscribed him to my blog. Other reasons include an added motivation for me to write regularly. But my main hope is that he will be eventually writing his own blog and that way widen his circle.

ana papi sepia

Dad and I, last year.

My dad has many stories to tell. He wrote an autobiography some years ago where he tells about his “lives in succession” from his native Spain to Cuba. After the first book, the writer’s bug got him, and he has several books in the making related to his experience in criminal justice and history. But we kids are currently enjoying his newest work, coming in email installments, about the adventures of a globetrotting character born in the island of Lampedusa.

In the book The End of Big, Nicco Mele tells the story how his elderly father wrote a book by transcribing his letters from WW2 and publishing it as an ebook through the internet (with his kids help, of course). Besides being a fascinating read for the family, it turned out a way for the father to connect with a number of people who had similar stories and experiences, enriching his social life.

My dad taught me many of the important skills in life, from swimming to driving, from how to give IM injections to how to avoid getting drunk. He introduced me to chess, the love of philosophy, and in general the joys of intellectual pursuits. Over the years we have been close or far, depending on which corner of the globe I happened to reside. And communications have ebbed and flowed depending on the demands of life.

But as of today, I am enjoying this common interest in writing, and I do hope we will become blogging buddies in the near future. Looking forward it 🙂

 

Two days left…

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picture showing Fall foliage

Lincoln Gap Road, Green Mountains VT

…and I will be back to Real Life. This includes: an ongoing online course, a conference presentation next week, couple of important meetings related to a program proposal, finishing an IRB application, writing handouts for labs, developing a set of lecture powerpoints, and getting serious about my grad student’s project.

This vacation week was planned months in advance, with the Vermont Fall Colors in mind. While we were told to be a tad late, I was still blown away by the explosion of colors. Since my Swedish days I had not seen so many hues of green, yellow, and red; resulting in hundreds of pictures of trees and forest paths. I had bought my first nice lens (35 mm, f1.8) for my camera, and am still learning its possibilities. Besides foliage I have tried my hand at covered bridges and quaint white churches, cemeteries, waterfalls, and art exhibits. Add family visits, eating, drinking, and playing board games. This is all very relaxing.

Except it is not 100% vacation after all. Emails still roll in vacation autoresponse notwithstanding, and I still answer them as some are time sensitive. Meeting invites come in. Official matters submitted weeks ago start getting responses.

Many have written about how difficult is for Americans to let go of work, and how common it is to check emails and keep working even during vacations. I am guilty, but I cannot really help it. In a way, being an early adopter of technologies has been very helpful in my professional development, and this includes being, if not “on top” of everything, but being “aware” of what is going on.  That said, I am not happy with the nagging sense of bad conscience when I see my virtual colleagues actively involved in discussions such as the Scientific American blogging/harassment fiasco or the debt ceiling debacle and its implications on scientific research.

I am trying really hard to forgive myself.

Just sent an email to my students. I feel better now.

Time to go for a hike 🙂

I should really take a writing class…

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A picture of the statue of a blue elephant on a pier.

One of the elephants of the Elephant Parade, currently in Dana Point, CA. I can identify with elephants: slow and persistent.

I have not blogged in quite a while, which is mildly frustrating. Last week was almost exclusively dedicated to my university’s Fall Assembly, which is one of the two times per year that most (if not all) faculty and admins from all campuses are physically in the same space. Needless to say, those are the days when most businesses and collaborations get done or started, so besides the programmed meetings there is a lot of networking going on. Add the couple of days before and after spent in a frenzy of prepping and then catching up with grading and everything else, and the week is gone.

But I have realized that one of the issues that affects my blogging is English writing. I feel my writing is quite ok, and my spelling is far better than that of many of my students, but my original Spanish does bleed over in a way I structure certain sentences (usually much longer than acceptable in written English). And although late nights are usually my quietest times and when I often have most inspiration, that is also the time when I tend to make more mistakes. So I often will start a posting at night with the determination of reviewing it next morning…and very often the draft stays a draft. Every time I look at my list of drafts I cringe. The only times I had been able to write more or less regularly were the times where I forced myself (like now) to sit down after breakfast, write, and publish on the spot.

The thought of taking a creative writing class in English has been in my mind for quite a while. And recently I learned the importance of good English writing in a context way more important than blogging: while assembling my reappointment dossier.

My university does not have traditional tenure, but timed appointments (starts with 2 years, and depending on the metrics and rank the length increases later on). Honestly, I find the system much more energizing than the traditional one- keeps people on their toes because even with a certain job security one has to prove one’s value on a regular basis. I see old timers working really hard and exploring new things all the time.

My appointment is until next July, but I was strongly suggested to complete my dossier for the Fall reappointment cycle so I’ll know by the end of this year. So that has been another of my reasons not to blog as much as I wanted- assembling the dossier was quite an undertaking.

Following my elders’ advice I had started collecting documents months ago, and created a google document where I would type my achievements as they happened (certificates, committees, you name it) as well as ideas for my reflections. The latter was absolutely critical at the time of the actual writing- having inspirational quotes and ideas at hand to frame my uniqueness and excellence made the job much easier.

But it was only when I read the detailed instructions and the reappointment process that it hit me. My reflections would be read not only by scientists, but by colleagues from all disciplines, including humanities. I was not asked to write a research proposal or a grant application: I was asked to do creative, elegant, and convincing writing. Now that was scary.

Of the three required reflections (teaching, scholarship, and service) I was told the hardest to write and the most scrutinized would be the teaching one. So I spent most time on it, and at the end I was quite content with the result. After many iterations of the opening sentence, I decided to just dive in to define who I am: “I came to teaching through science, after long years of working as a research scientist. Therefore the core of my teaching is the passion for science and particularly biology literacy.” After that I defined some of the main pointers in my teaching practices, and then included a quote from Steve Jobs that I have always found inspiring and very true: “That’s been one of my mantras – focus and simplicity. Simple can be harder than complex: You have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make it simple. But it’s worth it in the end because once you get there, you can move mountains.”

No kidding.

After I was done with what I considered to be a literary masterpiece, I sent it to a number of mentors, and in a spark of inspiration, to one of the English faculty asking for feedback. That was the best thing I did. He sent back the document with a number of minor corrections and comments regarding transitions and lack of clarity, and once corrected I felt much better.

On the other hand, all the time invested in the teaching reflection meant I spent much less time on the service and scholarship reflections. To be honest, I was typing the final version of the service reflection the morning of the due date. Ouch. My husband was kind enough to review and correct some of my usual grammar booboos (I still have difficulty with the usage of “X and me” versus “X and I” among others), but without the feedback of the experts I know they do not measure up to the teaching one. Fingers crossed.

After this experience, I am again seriously considering taking an English writing class. I doubt I will be able to do it any time soon, but the prospect of hopefully being able to write quickly and without major grammar and style errors sounds like a good investment both for my formal and informal scholarship.

Colleagues from the sciences, especially non-native English speakers, do you have a similar experience with writing?

Once a bum always a bum

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View of the Coachella Valley from the air (last week’s flight home)

“We find after years of struggle that we do not take a trip; a trip takes us.”

I read John Steinbeck’s Travels with Charlie when I was in my teens. I found it fascinating, although at that time probably did not understand half of the very American references in the book. Upon re-reading it couple of years it struck me how valid many of his points still are.

And of course the paragraph about excitement of travel just hit home. This is exactly how I feel. I may complain about the stress of travels and time away from home, but in my heart of hearts, this is what I truly love to do.

I am writing this from a Starbucks along the I-10, as I drive East this Friday morning. I am teaching an online class, but I will have internet in the mornings and evenings, and I warned my students I won’t answer their emails within 5 minutes as I often do. My files reside in my Mac and in the cloud, accessible through a variety of ways.

What I am trying to say is, with the internet and the ease to stay connected, it is so much easier to travel these days. Even if teaching.

“When I was very young and the urge to be someplace else was on me, I was assured by mature people that maturity would this itch. When years described me as mature, the remedy prescribed was middle age.In middle age I was assured greater age would calm my fever and now that I am fifty-eight perhaps senility will do the job. Nothing has worked. Four hoarse blasts of a ships’s whistle still raise the hair on my neck and set my feet to tapping. The sound of a jet, an engine warming up, even the clopping of shod hooves on pavement brings on the ancient shudder, the dry mouth and vacant eye, the hot palms and the churn of stomach high up under the rib cage. In other words, once a bum always a bum. I fear this disease incurable. I set this matter down not to instruct others but to inform myself….A journey is a person in itself; no two are alike. And all plans, safeguards, policing, and coercion are fruitless. We find after years of struggle that we not take a trip; a trip takes us.”
― John SteinbeckTravels with Charley: In Search of America

Time to hit the road!

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